Three Word Wednesday- The tears of a clown

The tears of a clown

Hidden from view
Smiles in place

Humour its bane

In silence, he holds the pain

Bursting at the seams

Alcohol he drinks

Drugs he takes to ease his pain

He gets help, gets clean.
He makes movies, to amuse
Mercenary he is not

He tells jokes 

Everyone loves him

But deep down inside
The pain is not eradicated

A voice says he doesn’t matter

No one can reach him

The pain is all he feels

He spirals to that dark place

No one can find

He drinks to dull the pain
Feels he can't be squeamish
After the cuts
Are too dull
The decision his
And his darkness' alone

He kills himself
Hanging in the wind

The masses learn the news

They cry out in pain and grief

What no, it cannot be

Then share how much

He was loved

Too little, too late
He cannot feel the love

Only his family comforted

From the outpouring of love.

©Sheilagh Lee  August 11, 2014

RIP Robin Williams 

If you are suffering and feel like committing suicide please contact one of the agencies in this post http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines

or call the police for help.

Happy Father's Day Dad

Dad you held your hand in mine

And helped me walk

You showed me generosity

Kindness and love

As you offered the shirt off your back

To people time and again

To any one of your children

You offered your all

You had your flaws

Who is perfect?

But you were my Dad

And I looked up to you

And you were always

There to protect me

Love me and guide me

How I miss you

But I know the lessons

That you shared

Will live on in generations

To come.

©Sheilagh Lee  June 15, 2014

Fibro Warrior #fibroawarenessday

Three Word Wednesday- Fibro Warrior

Burn, verb: Be or cause to be destroyed by fire; damage or injury by heat or fire; to be possessed by (a desire or emotion); use as a type of fuel; feel or cause to feel sore, hot or inflamed, typically as a result of illness or injury; noun: An injury caused by exposure to heat or flame.

Hue, noun: A color or shade; the attribute of a color by virtue of which it is discernible as red, green, etc., and which is dependent on its dominant wavelength, and independent of intensity or lightness; character; aspect.

Moral, adjective: Concerned with the principles of right and wrong behavior and the goodness or badness of human character; concerned with or derived from the code of interpersonal behavior that is considered right or acceptable in a particular society; examining the nature of ethics and the foundations of good and bad character and conduct; holding or manifesting high principles for proper conduct; noun: A lesson, esp. one concerning what is right or prudent, that can be derived from a story, a piece of information, or an experience. 

May 12th is International ME/CFS & FM Awareness Day in honour of that day and the fact that this week is International  ME/CFS & FM Awareness Week I wrote this

 for more info on this disease http://www.disabled-world.com/health/fibromyalgia/

Fibro Warrior

My limbs burn with pain

My head feels heavy

The hue of melancholy

Is upon me  

As I bemoan my fate

Of continuously fighting

This foe

Who steals away

My strength, my energy

What moral right

Does this disease

Have to take

Away my life

And bring such strife

I do not know

But 

I take back

My inner strength

Putting unknown

Untapped energy

Back into

My core

For I know that

I will not surrender

To melancholy

I will fight

With everything I am

To appear normal again

To continue living my life

To the fullest

To be happy

To achieve

My goals

Despite the pain

For I am

A warrior at heart

This battle I shall win

No matter the time

To survive another day

Without pain.

With energy to spare.

 ©Sheilagh Lee May 7, 2014

Heart of a Warrior

You were different

You were strong

You were proud

You had a hard life

But survived challenges

 That would cripple

Most

You were magical

To a young child

With stories dramatic

Full of fantasy

Wonder and life

No story as acrid

As your young existence

Your father should have been quarantined

His fists should have been stopped

His dramatic acts blocked

But you survived

All the men who didn’t

Love you enough

And settled for the love
From nieces and nephews,children 
Grandchildren, and great-grandchildren

To whom you gave your all

All loyalty, all encompassing

Returned to you tenfold

By all who loved you

Then mourned your passing

And remember you

Grandma, Olive I miss you still.

Happy Birthday 

©Sheilagh Lee April 30, 2014

Invisible illness

I should close my eyes

And wake up tomorrow

Hoping things have changed

No pain, no anger, no crankiness

Just affability, the self I love

Galvanized and charged

Agile and rangy again

I will roar and take life

By the horns

Living my life

The way I want to

And not the way

This invisible illness

Steals from me

Trying to take all hope

All normal life

Tired and in pain.

Thoughts disconnecting

I want to write

The ideas in my head

But they’re slowly disappearing

Too tired to write

Too tired to read

Television seems the answer

But even it is too hard to follow

When your body feels heavy

You’re every muscle, every eon, pinging

Screaming pain, pain, pain

Worse then any flu

You fight against it

After all tomorrow’s always another day

With relief maybe in sight.

©Sheilagh Lee January 29, 2014

For those of you who don't know I suffer from a number of auto-immune diseases, one of them Fibromyalgia . Some people believe because you can't see the results of this disease that it is all in the head of the inflicted but research has proven it's existence and they have factual evidence from MRI studies of it's existence.  The doubt and insistence by those naysayers that this illness is fake makes this disease all the harder to make people understand that you suffer from it so we suffer in silence and some in secret. We wouldn't wish this on anyone.

With Fibromyalgia if you get another illness like a sinus infection (like I have right now) it intensifies all the symptoms that's why I wrote this today.

For love of Country- A Remembrance Day Poem

 

For love of Country

For love of country

They gave their time

Their love and their lives

It took the best of families’ sons

And daughters who gave their all

Working overseas and in the wartime plants

Some left the country which they loved

                                           As soldiers they fought so bravely

                                           In foxholes and on fields they suffered 

                                           Giving so freely, for they sought to save

                                           Us from madmen who wanted all

                                           Countries to bow to them

                                           And their mistaken ideals

                                           They put aside misgivings and fought on

Their families suffered dearly

Without them by their sides                           

Missing time as children

Grew without a parent by their side

Parents had a hole in hearts

Where children should abide

When soldiers came to the door

To tell them of their loss

So we set aside a day in November

Every single year to remember

These brave souls who died for us

Fought for us, gave their time for us

But one day is not enough

For their sacrifice so dear

So we remember each day of the year

From the rising of the sun

Until the setting of the sun

We will remember

And celebrate their lives

And thank them for our freedom

That reigns because they fought for us.

©Sheilagh Lee November 9, 2013

Sacrifice

Three Word Wednesday-Sacrifice 

Prompts:   

Amplify, verb: Increase the volume of (sound), esp. using an amplifier; increase the amplitude of (an electrical signal or other oscillation); cause to become more marked or intense; enlarge upon or add detail to (a story or statement).

Criticize, verb: Indicate the faults of (someone or something) in a disapproving way.

Moan, noun: A long, low sound made by a person expressing physical or mental suffering or sexual pleasure; a complaint that is perceived as trivial and not taken seriously by others; verb: make a long, low sound expressing physical or mental suffering or sexual pleasure; (of a thing) make a sound resembling this.

       Recently a number of students at the University of Ottawa decided to wear a white poppy for Remembrance Day which takes place on November 11 each year. Traditional a red and with a green or black centred poppy has been worn since 1920 to commemorate soldiers who died and remember their sacrifice for their country. The Royal Canadian Legion in Canada takes funds from the sale of these lapel (red) poppies to...

.Assist any person (and their dependants) who is serving (or who has honourably served) in the Canadian Forces and are in need of assistance.

.Legion Veterans Transition Program (at UBC): a relief & recovery program for trauma-related stress from military service.

.Housing for homeless veterans, such as Cockrell House in Victoria

.Disaster relief when declared by governments.

At least now they are starting to realize the hurt they've caused and will not hand out white poppies at Remembrance ceremonies. I hope they now understand that red poppies are to remember the sacrifice and help veterans not glorify war.

       This is my response to those white poppy students.

Sacrifice

                                                        

The drumbeat sounds

 It echoes in their minds   

Amplified in time and space

Of carnage and blood, soiled ground

Their comrades’ lives’ spilled

They feel forgotten by today’s youth

Who talk of peace?

And moan of glorifying war

White poppies at their breasts.

And if they dare to speak

The men who fought so hard to

Gain that peace

They’re criticized and told that poppies

Red with a green or black centre

Denote celebrating war

Their ignorance does astound

Poppies are worn for remembrance

Of lives lost and sacrifice made

Not to glorify war

But to recall

How hard the forfeit

Those soldiers made

To honour

And remember the ones

Who brought our peace

So that we never forget their sacrifice.
Long may they be remembered

©Sheilagh Lee November 6, 2013

Hallowe'en

Shadows lengthening, bony fingers curling, 

Reaching for me, I scream.

The costumed skeleton laughs.

©Sheilagh Lee October 25, 2013

Happy Birthday Debbie

I think of when we were young

You held my hand and we ran

Hand in hand through fields

Playing hide and seek

Jumping rope, playing jacks

You told me stories

And were my constant friend

I bragged to all about

My brainy sister 

Beautiful and tall

When the girls were bigger than me

Picked on me, washed my face

In trios in the snow

You fought my battles

Our mother and our aunt

Loved to dress us alike

Though you hated it

I loved being just like you

I wanted to be like you

Smart, and self-assured

I was proud when people said

 I looked like you.

We both grew up, married

 You had a son

I had a daughter

 They played together

We smiled our family had blossomed and grown

You had another son I, another daughter

Then tragedy came knocking at the door

Cancer took you away, too young.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder

If we’d look similar still, if you were here now

I look for your smile in my own face

For I miss it so.

I hate that you aren’t here

Enjoying your children, grandchildren

You should be here

I miss you still.

But today I'll think of all the good things

We did together. all the ways you were

My big sister, brave, fearless and strong

I'll think of your love and I'll be happy

That I spent time with you

My beloved big sister.

Happy Birthday Sis!

©Sheilagh Lee August 29, 2013

Missing Rose

I miss my friend

I miss our conversations

The easy way the words flowed

I miss the person who meant so much

To all she touched in her short life

Sometimes special people come along

Who make the world a better place

Rose was one, a smile always on her face
She opened up her heart

To include all, not just some

She is remembered for a heart

As big as the ocean, and deeper then the sea

Filled with compassion, understanding to see

The love she had, for all,
She considered friends and family,

We are all better people for knowing Rose

The world, a sadder place without her

We will remember her and all she was

With simple acts of kindness

We will honour our dear friend

And remember our Rose

                       RIP Rose July 27,1959 - May 30,2012

 ©Sheilagh Lee May 30, 2013