Dreaming big

I am strong today

I have won half the battle

And feel less pain

I have triumphed over the monster

Who seethes inside me 

Waiting for his chance to pounce

He has been beaten down

And must hide

He cannot steal my breath away

He cannot steal my energy today

He can only sit quietly 

In his dark corner

Simmering waiting for an edge

But I shall stamp him  down

For I want to fly again

Dream big and write

My stories begging to be told

Computer in lap

They begin to unfold

Happiness ensues.

                                              ©Sheilagh Lee  February 26, 2015

Three Word Wednesday - The Magic of Christmas

Three Word Wednesday - The Magic of Christmas

Alive, adjective: (Of a person, animal, or plant) living, not dead; (of a feeling or quality) continuing in existence; continuing to be supported or in use; (of a person or animal) alert and active; animated; having interest and meaning.

Glaring, adjective: Giving out or reflecting a strong or dazzling light; staring fiercely or fixedly; highly obvious or conspicuous.

Misty, adjective: Full of, covered with, or accompanied by mist; (of a person's eyes) full of tears so as to blur the vision; indistinct or dim in outline; (of a color) not bright; soft.   

   

The Magic of Christmas

Alive~

 I shake off the dust of illness

Recovery is nigh despite the glaring

Shadow of re-occurrence

I will not doubt that I shall overcome

The misty shadowy thing that stalks me

I shall grab happiness and health

With both hands I embrace
 The joyous season of love and hope

And rejoice in family, friends, and love

The inner glow of joy shall keep me

Whole and well to enjoy

This Christmas once more.

©Sheilagh Lee  December 17, 2014

Happy Father's Day Dad

Dad you held your hand in mine

And helped me walk

You showed me generosity

Kindness and love

As you offered the shirt off your back

To people time and again

To any one of your children

You offered your all

You had your flaws

Who is perfect?

But you were my Dad

And I looked up to you

And you were always

There to protect me

Love me and guide me

How I miss you

But I know the lessons

That you shared

Will live on in generations

To come.

©Sheilagh Lee  June 15, 2014

Fibro Warrior #fibroawarenessday

Three Word Wednesday- Fibro Warrior

Burn, verb: Be or cause to be destroyed by fire; damage or injury by heat or fire; to be possessed by (a desire or emotion); use as a type of fuel; feel or cause to feel sore, hot or inflamed, typically as a result of illness or injury; noun: An injury caused by exposure to heat or flame.

Hue, noun: A color or shade; the attribute of a color by virtue of which it is discernible as red, green, etc., and which is dependent on its dominant wavelength, and independent of intensity or lightness; character; aspect.

Moral, adjective: Concerned with the principles of right and wrong behavior and the goodness or badness of human character; concerned with or derived from the code of interpersonal behavior that is considered right or acceptable in a particular society; examining the nature of ethics and the foundations of good and bad character and conduct; holding or manifesting high principles for proper conduct; noun: A lesson, esp. one concerning what is right or prudent, that can be derived from a story, a piece of information, or an experience. 

May 12th is International ME/CFS & FM Awareness Day in honour of that day and the fact that this week is International  ME/CFS & FM Awareness Week I wrote this

 for more info on this disease http://www.disabled-world.com/health/fibromyalgia/

Fibro Warrior

My limbs burn with pain

My head feels heavy

The hue of melancholy

Is upon me  

As I bemoan my fate

Of continuously fighting

This foe

Who steals away

My strength, my energy

What moral right

Does this disease

Have to take

Away my life

And bring such strife

I do not know

But 

I take back

My inner strength

Putting unknown

Untapped energy

Back into

My core

For I know that

I will not surrender

To melancholy

I will fight

With everything I am

To appear normal again

To continue living my life

To the fullest

To be happy

To achieve

My goals

Despite the pain

For I am

A warrior at heart

This battle I shall win

No matter the time

To survive another day

Without pain.

With energy to spare.

 ©Sheilagh Lee May 7, 2014

Heart of a Warrior

You were different

You were strong

You were proud

You had a hard life

But survived challenges

 That would cripple

Most

You were magical

To a young child

With stories dramatic

Full of fantasy

Wonder and life

No story as acrid

As your young existence

Your father should have been quarantined

His fists should have been stopped

His dramatic acts blocked

But you survived

All the men who didn’t

Love you enough

And settled for the love
From nieces and nephews,children 
Grandchildren, and great-grandchildren

To whom you gave your all

All loyalty, all encompassing

Returned to you tenfold

By all who loved you

Then mourned your passing

And remember you

Grandma, Olive I miss you still.

Happy Birthday 

©Sheilagh Lee April 30, 2014

Invisible illness

I should close my eyes

And wake up tomorrow

Hoping things have changed

No pain, no anger, no crankiness

Just affability, the self I love

Galvanized and charged

Agile and rangy again

I will roar and take life

By the horns

Living my life

The way I want to

And not the way

This invisible illness

Steals from me

Trying to take all hope

All normal life

Tired and in pain.

Thoughts disconnecting

I want to write

The ideas in my head

But they’re slowly disappearing

Too tired to write

Too tired to read

Television seems the answer

But even it is too hard to follow

When your body feels heavy

You’re every muscle, every eon, pinging

Screaming pain, pain, pain

Worse then any flu

You fight against it

After all tomorrow’s always another day

With relief maybe in sight.

©Sheilagh Lee January 29, 2014

For those of you who don't know I suffer from a number of auto-immune diseases, one of them Fibromyalgia . Some people believe because you can't see the results of this disease that it is all in the head of the inflicted but research has proven it's existence and they have factual evidence from MRI studies of it's existence.  The doubt and insistence by those naysayers that this illness is fake makes this disease all the harder to make people understand that you suffer from it so we suffer in silence and some in secret. We wouldn't wish this on anyone.

With Fibromyalgia if you get another illness like a sinus infection (like I have right now) it intensifies all the symptoms that's why I wrote this today.

Happy Birthday Debbie

I think of when we were young

You held my hand and we ran

Hand in hand through fields

Playing hide and seek

Jumping rope, playing jacks

You told me stories

And were my constant friend

I bragged to all about

My brainy sister 

Beautiful and tall

When the girls were bigger than me

Picked on me, washed my face

In trios in the snow

You fought my battles

Our mother and our aunt

Loved to dress us alike

Though you hated it

I loved being just like you

I wanted to be like you

Smart, and self-assured

I was proud when people said

 I looked like you.

We both grew up, married

 You had a son

I had a daughter

 They played together

We smiled our family had blossomed and grown

You had another son I, another daughter

Then tragedy came knocking at the door

Cancer took you away, too young.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder

If we’d look similar still, if you were here now

I look for your smile in my own face

For I miss it so.

I hate that you aren’t here

Enjoying your children, grandchildren

You should be here

I miss you still.

But today I'll think of all the good things

We did together. all the ways you were

My big sister, brave, fearless and strong

I'll think of your love and I'll be happy

That I spent time with you

My beloved big sister.

Happy Birthday Sis!

©Sheilagh Lee August 29, 2013

Remember Me

Twenty years how can it be so?

Twenty years without your smile

Twenty years without your advice

Twenty years of tears, that still come and go

Twenty years how can it be so long?

I miss you sis, your smiling face

Your advice that sometimes annoyed me

I miss your steadfast loyalty

Your warrior heart that beat so fast

And your kindness that came shining through.

Dear sis, remember me from heaven above

Because I 'll always remember you.

©Sheilagh Lee March 25, 2013

Down The Rabbit Hole

Down the rabbit hole I go,

Falling, and spiraling, into pain

Relentlessly it captures me

The flame igniting, burning, bright

It knows no restraints, it knows no limits

It gives no quarter, as it continues its conquest

Wooing softly, then cascading noisily as it seizes

It’s quarry with infinite force

Tightening on me in knots, and waves

Burrowing, kneading, into every joint

I fight with all my might

I want to scream and cry, and shout

As the throbbing goes on, and on, and on

No relief in sight, the pain increasing

Still continues cumulatively

Like a snowball it grows bigger

Sleep eludes, and lingers on

The edge of pain

The climb out of the hole

So deep, I cannot creep

But only hope it stops burrowing

Takes a break, and goes away
Tomorrow, I will creep out of the hole
It will not defeat me.

© Sheilagh Lee February 22, 2013

Missing you

I remember the day,

Not wanting to say,

Goodbye, it was too quick,

The illness that made you sick,

And stole your breath away,

Took time away,

Time to laugh and say,

We are sisters, bound by blood,

And remembrances of childhood,

I cried for the relationship we could have had,

All of this makes me so sad,

That you were taken away,

You should have many other days.

But today I remember joys,

Days of love and toys,

Birthdays long ago like today,

Were we’d run and play,

When we spent time together.

My sister, like birds of a feather.

We had time on our side.

Before you died.

Happy Birthday Sis! Love you  still missing you.

©Sheilagh Lee August 29,2012

Struggle

A poem for those who need hope.

Struggle

Struggling to see the light

Struggling to see anything but night

Lost in fear and pain

Lost with nothing to gain

Two steps forward and one step back

As the body struggles to make what it lacks

Work the way it used to do

Before when all was new

Yearning to pretend I haven’t changed

Learning to find I have other range

Mad, sad and glad, that I’m still here,

But still with a tiny ticking fear

That the body will betray

The progress today

And still struggling on

Beating my prey

The disease that lingers on

But conquer it I will.

©Sheilagh Lee July 24,2012

Goodbye is Not A word I want to Say

My heart is bursting with pride

Yet still I die a little inside

May daughter grown

The seeds are sown

My baby girl is leaving me

She will be too far to see

Each and everyday

Too far to do more than say

Hello by Skype and how are you

My heart feels empty

My eyes do too

As silent tears I cry

As have to say goodbye

So she can live her dreams

But still it seems

It’s not fair why can’t  a job be found?

So she can move across town?

 ©Sheilagh Lee July 18,2012

Heartbroken

Three Word Wednesday

Sorry this is a little sad because I was sad when I wrote this.

Prompts:

Cling; verb: (Of a person or animal) hold on tightly to; adhere or stick firmly or closely to; remain very close to; remain persistently or stubbornly faithful to something; be overly dependent on someone emotionally.

Murmur; noun: A soft, indistinct sound made by a person or group of people speaking quietly or at a distance; a softly spoken or almost inaudible utterance; The quiet or subdued expression of a particular feeling by a group of people; a rumor; verb: Say something in a low, soft, or indistinct voice; make a low continuous sound.

Taken; verb: Occupy (a place or position); (of a person) already be married or in an emotional relationship; suddenly strike or afflict; be attracted or charmed by.

It first it starts as a murmur

It can’t possibly be true

For no God would have taken

One as young as you

I cling to the belief

That it isn’t a fact

Until I see your obituary

Your face in a picture

In front of me

No doubt, no protestations

For it is obviously true.

Like a thief in the night

Something crept in

To whisk you away

My birthday was last week,

And you gave me wishes,

I’ll treasure every day,

For now you’ve gone away,

Dear friend I’ll always remember you

Your warm heart and your winning smile

Will dwell forever in my memories

And in my heart, empty space

Without you in my life.

RIP Rose July29,1959- May30,2012 

©Sheilagh Lee June 13, 2012

For My Best Friend Rose

If it rained in heaven you'd feel my tears
I wish you hadn't gone so soon, I fear
We are supposed to be the same age
Yet you won't turn the page
And have your birthday again
And I don't know when
I'll see you again.

I heard from you on my birthday last week
And thought I take a peek
On what you were doing today
To find you were gone away
Stolen by some unknown thing
Oh the pain, that did bring.


I thought we'd get together
We were birds of a feather 
I'd visit you someday
And we laugh and say
That though time had passed
We were still friends together at last

I remember times together singing 
All the time the joy it was bringing
Of laughter shared and friends we made
In the blink of the eye
We had strong ties
Because of you dear Rose

You were kind and sweet
Inclusiveness was your feat
You made everyone feel content
To be themselves, you were heaven sent
Not loaned to us long enough
We wanted more of that same stuff

Your leaving us leaves a hole a crater wide
All my insides feel tumbled up inside
My heart feels betrayed by forces unknown
My eyes leak with tears underflow
As I try hard not to cry
And just remember and sigh
And hear your gentle voice one last time

"Be strong my friends and mourn me not
Remember my gentle heart and the peace I sought"

I'm trying it's a battle to not feel robbed
When such an angel leaves you sob
And mourn the loss of time and words
Not said, one's not heard

So thank you my friend for being there
Through thick and thin, for being so fair
For being a loving friend
No one could forget
Thank you Rose 
Always my beloved Friend.✿♡✿
Forever more



RIP Rose July 27,1959 - May 30,2012

©Sheilagh Lee June 6, 2012

Prayer for a friend who is ill

Give her strength

And her family power

So hope can fight and win

This illness that came suddenly

And made her fight

So she can defeat this silent disease.

God hear our prayer

People really care about her

It is safe to say

She makes a difference every day

She such an inspiration

To all who know her and all who will

Please send her back to us

Make her well today

God hear our prayer.

God hear our prayer

For someone very dear

A friend to all

Someone who is always there

When someone needs a call
A loving hand , a smile, a word
She's there for us, she's always heard

Please heed our plea
Grant her strength and fight

She needs your loving heart
To mend her broken body
For now we see she's

Ravaged with an illness

She wrestling so hard to win
But she could use your loving hand
To heal and renew
Mind and spirit

(If you need to use this prayer go ahead and use it and please say a prayer for my writer friend Karen.)

Three Word Wednesday -Betrayal

(This is written about a friendship that was betrayed long ago when I was young, trusting and foolish.)

 Prompts:Error; noun: A mistake; the state or condition of being wrong in conduct or judgment.

Jingle; noun: A light ringing sound such as made by metal objects being shaken together; a short slogan, verse, or tune designed to be easily remembered, esp. as used in advertising; verb: Make or cause to make a light metallic ringing sound; (of writing) be full of alliteration or rhymes.

Vindicate; verb: Clear (someone) of blame or suspicion; show or prove to be right, reasonable, or justified.

                         

                                 Betrayal

An error, a mistake, to take our friendship back?

To give you one last time to stab me in the back?

To let you walk all over me again,

To let me worship you as you send,

Me on errands, most futile as you rant,

To let you lord, how much more important,

You are then me, why did I let you treat me,

This way, it was so destructive, why didn’t I see,

You were using me for your own selfish ends,

Why did I allow myself to think we were friends?

I wised up and saw what you were about,

But my soft heart heard your pleas and had doubt,

It gave me no pleasure when I was vindicated,

When I saw you as you truly were, I hated

You

A worthless emotion suffocating me,

So I put it aside forgetting you and your plea,

So your words, the jingle of your ringtone,

Picked specially for you on my cellphone,

Holds nothing for me,

But empty memories,

Of how foolish was I,

To trust my heart and not my eyes

We were never friends, I have surmised,

But it took too long to find that out,

Now with others I’ll always doubt,

Are you truly my friend?

 ©Sheilagh Lee May 30,2012                      

Tell them you love them

Missing Debbie

Nineteen years ago I cried,

Twisted, heart and soul inside,

A little piece of me had died,

Cancer, the fiend came and took you away,

Leukemia the monster had won the day,

I thought of when we were so young,

When our voices rose and we sung,

Together in harmony and play,

Sisters we would always stay,

Even death couldn’t take that away.

The sky was dark the wind was cold,

My dress blue flowers for you to behold,

You said you hated black for wakes,

And I thought wear red for Pete's sakes,

But no red could be found so your favourite blue,

I wore in a dress flowered and new.

I couldn’t get warm the chilly breath,

Touched me deep inside of death,

My heart felt broken in tiny pieces,

That my children your nieces,

Wouldn’t know you as I did,well,

And still I wailed at the new hell,

I found myself in missing you,

Wanting to call, talk to you.

Just once more to say I loved you sis,

That you would always be missed,

There’s always a missing part.

A whole left in our hearts.

Nineteen years later hasn’t eased the pain,

Though people our family has gained.

We still feel the empty spot.

Where you will always remain,

Missing Debbie in our hearts and minds,

Only in her children and grandchildren do we find,

A little piece of her we can retrieve,

Remembrances of her can we weave,

So they can know her too,

And she can live on it in what we do.

© Sheilagh Lee   March 29, 2012